i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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