Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize