Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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