i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
