I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize