between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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