my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I showed him my bush... on skype.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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