i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
