When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
