I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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