and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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