We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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