Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
