The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
