I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize