why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
