I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
