from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
we're so committed to being not committed
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
