Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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