cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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