just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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