Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
