Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
