I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
