You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
