Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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