can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize