it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
