If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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