Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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