I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
