I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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