please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
