dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
