Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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