Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
