Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
