He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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