Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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