I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
