out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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