if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
