ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize