My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
