Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
