I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
