Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
