Betty ford says i'm here all night
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
