Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
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