I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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