apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
she woke up with a sticky ear
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
