does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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