Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
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