absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My bed is full of blood and feathers
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
