benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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