The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
