can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
