I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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