I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
