ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
