Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
