omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just want to make out with him forever
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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