i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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