I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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