I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
ttyl tear gas
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize