ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
