and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
